Nope
Written last July. I never published it, but I am about to release a bunch of blog posts I have never published.....
July 2016:
Yesterday for the second year in a row, BOTH of my kids left for sleep away camp. Last year I cried as my youngest (daughter) got on the bus, alone, new without any friends. I knew she'd be okay, but it just seemed so hard and sad and overwhelming as a mom to watch this unfold right before my eyes. Suffice to say it worked out. She loved camp. And, it was a very positive experience for her from 10 minutes into the bus ride until the minute she got home. My son, well he's a veteran. He has been going to camp since the summer after 3rd grade. He will be in 8th grade in the fall.
Yesterday came. And, I promised my daughter that I wouldn't cry. I would remain strong. That I would be her rock. And, that she wouldn't cry because I would not cry. And, I succeeded. I held it back. Extremely hard for me to do this as I am a crier (I cried for the first 15 minutes of UP and Finding Dory). But, the second that bus pulled away....that choked up feeling came to me and I had my moment. But, it wasn't as bad as 2015. I thought I can do this. I will be okay.
Then, it was my son's turn. He left 2 hours later. Even though he's a veteran-once he's gone-that means that they are both gone and that just makes me sad. When his bus left I, again, had that moment of sadness. I am HAPPY for them. I WANT them to experience camp. Grow. Socialize. Learn. Live life without the comfort of always having me right there next to them. But, it sucks living it on the other side of the fence. Because I am a mom. They are my kids. And, I love them like nobody else in this world loves them.
The reason why I called this piece "Nope" is because I did well yesterday. But, today is a totally different animal. Yesterday, I had visions of all the plans between now and August 12th with my husband and friends. I took a breath of relief in that my life somehow has gone from insanely busy to insanely quiet. I even helped another mom through a hard day yesterday via text until it was time to turn in. Today was hard. It was quiet. It was weird. I didn't have anyone to pick up and drive. Nobody texted me questions. Nobody asked me if they could have Nutella 30 minutes before dinner. Quiet....I must have refreshed Camp Chi and Birch Trail websites 5,000 times in hopes that maybe there would be an extra group of photos. Who am I kidding? And, I literally sank to all levels when I went through the Camp Chi pictures 5 times hoping I would catch an extra glimpse of my son in the background of a picture that maybe I missed. I guess it really hit me today that I won't talk to them until August 12th. And, that all of a sudden felt really far away.
Let me clarify. It's not that they are physically away. I could actually maybe/probably/possibly deal with that part-if there were FaceTime, texting, phone calls or email. But, the lack of correspondence for someone who like to correspond is really hard. I want to talk. I want to hear. I want to ask questions. I want to listen to them in the background of life while I sit on my computer. I want to hear the TV on. And, hear my son shouting as he plays Xbox. And, yet, it's so quiet.
It's hard being on this side. I never thought about my parents when I was the one venturing out into my life's experiences. I took those moments and opportunities and lived them out-as a child should. And, now it's my turn to watch my kids do just the same thing.
So, this year. Nope. It's not better this year. I had a false sense of hope. I thought I am a veteran. I am strong. I can do this. No biggie. But, the reality is that it's not the same as before I had kids. And, they are always on my mind. No matter what. So, while I will live my life for the next 24 days, 576 hours and 34564 minutes (but who's counting). They are always at the forefront of my thoughts? Will my son be taller than me? Will my daughter pick up new buzz words? Will they have that weird camp withdrawal thing when they get back? Will they be happy to be home? Or, sad? Or, both? I won't know until I get the first letter. And, I really won't know until I see them in 24 days. But, until then I will work, plan dinners, see movies, sail with my husband, walk my dogs and try to keep calm and camp parent on.
July 2016:
Yesterday for the second year in a row, BOTH of my kids left for sleep away camp. Last year I cried as my youngest (daughter) got on the bus, alone, new without any friends. I knew she'd be okay, but it just seemed so hard and sad and overwhelming as a mom to watch this unfold right before my eyes. Suffice to say it worked out. She loved camp. And, it was a very positive experience for her from 10 minutes into the bus ride until the minute she got home. My son, well he's a veteran. He has been going to camp since the summer after 3rd grade. He will be in 8th grade in the fall.
Yesterday came. And, I promised my daughter that I wouldn't cry. I would remain strong. That I would be her rock. And, that she wouldn't cry because I would not cry. And, I succeeded. I held it back. Extremely hard for me to do this as I am a crier (I cried for the first 15 minutes of UP and Finding Dory). But, the second that bus pulled away....that choked up feeling came to me and I had my moment. But, it wasn't as bad as 2015. I thought I can do this. I will be okay.
Then, it was my son's turn. He left 2 hours later. Even though he's a veteran-once he's gone-that means that they are both gone and that just makes me sad. When his bus left I, again, had that moment of sadness. I am HAPPY for them. I WANT them to experience camp. Grow. Socialize. Learn. Live life without the comfort of always having me right there next to them. But, it sucks living it on the other side of the fence. Because I am a mom. They are my kids. And, I love them like nobody else in this world loves them.
The reason why I called this piece "Nope" is because I did well yesterday. But, today is a totally different animal. Yesterday, I had visions of all the plans between now and August 12th with my husband and friends. I took a breath of relief in that my life somehow has gone from insanely busy to insanely quiet. I even helped another mom through a hard day yesterday via text until it was time to turn in. Today was hard. It was quiet. It was weird. I didn't have anyone to pick up and drive. Nobody texted me questions. Nobody asked me if they could have Nutella 30 minutes before dinner. Quiet....I must have refreshed Camp Chi and Birch Trail websites 5,000 times in hopes that maybe there would be an extra group of photos. Who am I kidding? And, I literally sank to all levels when I went through the Camp Chi pictures 5 times hoping I would catch an extra glimpse of my son in the background of a picture that maybe I missed. I guess it really hit me today that I won't talk to them until August 12th. And, that all of a sudden felt really far away.
Let me clarify. It's not that they are physically away. I could actually maybe/probably/possibly deal with that part-if there were FaceTime, texting, phone calls or email. But, the lack of correspondence for someone who like to correspond is really hard. I want to talk. I want to hear. I want to ask questions. I want to listen to them in the background of life while I sit on my computer. I want to hear the TV on. And, hear my son shouting as he plays Xbox. And, yet, it's so quiet.
It's hard being on this side. I never thought about my parents when I was the one venturing out into my life's experiences. I took those moments and opportunities and lived them out-as a child should. And, now it's my turn to watch my kids do just the same thing.
So, this year. Nope. It's not better this year. I had a false sense of hope. I thought I am a veteran. I am strong. I can do this. No biggie. But, the reality is that it's not the same as before I had kids. And, they are always on my mind. No matter what. So, while I will live my life for the next 24 days, 576 hours and 34564 minutes (but who's counting). They are always at the forefront of my thoughts? Will my son be taller than me? Will my daughter pick up new buzz words? Will they have that weird camp withdrawal thing when they get back? Will they be happy to be home? Or, sad? Or, both? I won't know until I get the first letter. And, I really won't know until I see them in 24 days. But, until then I will work, plan dinners, see movies, sail with my husband, walk my dogs and try to keep calm and camp parent on.
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