The Shit Show of 2020 with some positive takeaways!

Yes.
We know.
COVID sucks. 

My kids are sick of me saying "this is all so (you can use your own adjective) weird." 

Let's all agree that this whole year has been a total shit show. For everyone. Incredible amounts of Loss. Loneliness. Isolation. Weirdness. Challenge. Nobody has been exempt. Not from a newborn all the way through an elder. We will be talking about this for years. Documentaries will be made. Our kids will tell their grandchildren about this. It's big. 

I have dug very deep since March trying to see how I could personally push through this as someone who suffers from General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and a small side order of depression. I used to work from home before I came to my current company, 5 years ago. In my former life, I let myself become swept over by isolation. And, it was much worse in the winter. Sometimes I didn't even get the mail. So, I came into this Covid time with a different outlook, and I wanted to share some of my positives. Because even in the darkest of days, there is light and hope. 

The first thing is that I have been able to be with my kids. If I could choose them having NORMAL HIGH SCHOOL I would take it in a flash. But, since this hasn't been the case I am trying to relish in the fact that they are around a lot more than they would have been. Many meals together, talks, laughs, movies, music. We have really pulled together, and the 4 of us (2 kids + husband) have such great synergy. I love it when we are all together. 

For me, I had big dreams and hopes during quarantining. However, I took undue pressure off of myself early on. Yes. I should be exercising more. Yes. That diet is starting right around the corner. But, since it hasn't, I haven't beaten myself up. I have accepted how I have chosen my days. Showered and ready but in comfortable loungewear. I've spent time with my dogs every day. Whether we walk or head to the park, I have integrated them into my routine. I love being a dog owner, and now that I am remote I am relishing my dogs even more. Typically, there's at least one in my office. It's so nice to hear a dog sleeping beside you. It's calming in a way. They have literally pulled me through this time, and my K9s get a lot of kudos from me.

Full transparency, my life was spinning before Covid. I had a very heavy workload, I was driving kids back and forth and back and forth (which I now yearn for!), I never had dinner organized, and my house was a bit of disorganized space. But, I have tried to have embraced this pause. I started a new job, which was a promotion at the same company, just before Covid came to town. I am grateful to be employed, with a good company and a sustainable job and workload. I am able to be present for my family. 

Friends. My 3 best friends from growing up are in LA. I am so lucky that I have them. They are my siblings that I never had (only child). I am sad that I haven't seen them since the week before all of this insanity started in March. But, I can call any of them at any given time, and they are there. My college friends have been a huge force at this time. We have group texts, Bar and B'nai Mitzvahs to celebrate, and the ability to lean on one another. One of our friends lost her father. We were there for her the best we could be. And, my local friends. 50th birthday celebrations via parade and Zoom! I have had a group chat since the beginning of Covid, and it's been really great to have it. We also do Marco Polo which is so silly, but it's fun to see one another. My local friends have had some hard times. Loss of a parent, injury to a spouse, and one of them is moving in a month. I am grateful to have been able to be present to help them along the way. Or, at least I hope that I have. 

My parents. This has been a challenge. I haven't seen them since March. This is probably the longest stretch of time since I left home in 1991. They are getting older, and this isn't ideal. But, my mom is high risk so I have stayed on my side of the country in order to keep her from compromising her health. My kids haven't seen them in 1 1/2 years. It's horrible. But, they talk. And, they share and they do the best they can do given the situation. I am grateful to my parents. To my mom for being there when I have had some dark days. I do not take them for granted. I am an only child and I am blessed that they are here. I’ve spoken to my two aunts more than I had pre Covid. That’s been really nice for me and hopefully them. One is in CA and one is in NY/FL And, the two other sets of grandparents have been strained as well. While we would love to see them all, we don't feel that it's safe for us to go to them or for them to come to us. We hope that they will get the vaccine so that we can be together soon. Hopefully, if there's a HS Graduation for my son in May  

I have watched too much TV and too many movies. I have not ridden the Peloton as much as I intended. I have not finished my daughter's Bat Mitzvah Album (from May 2019), my side business has taken a major hit since it relates to Bar and Bat Mitzvah planning- which aren't currently happening in the way that we know them to be. But, it's ok. I am parenting two teenagers, taking care of three dogs, and trying to be the glue that holds us all together. I am at peace with it because every day I get up, I get dressed, I go to work (in the basement), and I face life how it's been for 10 months. 

I enter 2021 with gratitude. I enter 2021 knowing that it's not going to be "normal" like 2019. I do think 2022 is more likely to be “normal”.  I am grateful to all of the people who have helped me along the way. Whether it's a text, a call, a ping, a card, someone dropping a surprise off in the mailbox, or baking some type of deliciousness.....it is not unnoticed. It is appreciated. This is what has gotten me through. 

Wishing everyone a happy and HEALTHY New Year. 

With gratitude,

Kim