It sucks being a parent when you're sick

On a day with perfect conditions and perfect harmony it is hard to be a parent. I don't care if you have babies, young kids, teenagers or even adult children. It's hard. And, I've only had babies and young kids so far....I mean...don't get me wrong-it's amazing and great, but it still comes with regular, ordinary, everyday challenges. But, one of the biggest challenges, in my opinion, is taking care of your kids when you are sick...and they aren't. Now, if they're sick and you're sick at the same time...everyone is on equal playing fields. But, if they are fine (which of course you hope that they are)... and you aren't..That’s where it gets ugly.

Starting Wednesday I got sick with what I am now thinking was a 24-hour stomach flu virus thing. I was completely out of commission yesterday (Thursday). Thursday morning after literally being up sick all night, I packed their lunches, gave them breakfast and sent them off to school. I felt like I ran a 1/2 marathon because it took every amount of physical and mental strength to forge ahead. I actually don't even remember it happening because I was so ill, but I know that somehow they got fed and got from home to school, and I had something to do with it. For the first time since September I was actually thankful and happy that my kids were gone all day. That probably came out the wrong way...What I really mean is that I typically miss them and think about them when they are at school, but yesterday I was glad that I didn't have a preschooler home all afternoon and school had the opportunity to take care of them better than I ever could have. Yesterday when 3:30 came around, I was not looking forward to the hours ahead. Again, that sounds terrible. Usually 3:30 is the moment when all the homework, shuttling and fun begin for us. But, not yesterday. Hebrew school was canceled. Playdates weren't made because I was supposed to be driving carpool for Hebrew school, and my kids were coming home to stay. How many hours until 8pm?

For the most part all rules go out the window when I'm sick. You want to watch 2 hours of TV on a school night in the basement far, far away from my room? Ok great! See you in 2 hours! You want to go upstairs and take a shower, and I won't be up there cleaning up your rooms and reading books to you afterwards? Awesome. I'll be hiding quietly in my bed while you go do that. Both of those scenarios would have been ideal if that had happened. But, my suggestion of watching a movie (which would have gotten me 2+ hours) turned into them watching two shows (40 minutes). Then, they decided that they wanted dinner. Of course the kids need to eat....And, let me just say without getting into too much detail-that dinner last night was one of the worst experiences of my life. I am not exaggerating. Not being able to keep anything down yesterday-looking or smelling food wasn't a really good option for me. But, thankfully my healthy kids (touch wood) were as hungry as ever. And, what did they want for dinner? Meatballs and spaghetti. And, what made me throw up when I was a child? And, still makes me sick when I see or smell it? Yep.... you guessed it-meatballs and spaghetti. It was horrible.... And, because I had been sick, I hadn't been to the store. So, I didn't really have any other options. So, meatballs and spaghetti it was. I literally couldn't make it through dinner, and had to leave them at the table. It was horrible.

Then after dinner, I should have really pushed that movie. That would have bought me some time until my husband got home. Instead, my sweet son.... wanted to put on a cello concert for me. I still really wasn't able to sit up in bed so I am lying there half dead listening to Mary Had a Little Lamb and another tune that he's learned. I am so proud of him, and his gesture of the concert was so thoughtful...but the timing wasn't ideal. But, of course I can't say that to an 8 year old.... So, the concert (at full volume) happened. And, finally after about 30 minutes I applauded to the best of my ability and suggested that they take showers. Peace and quiet at last! Nope. That's when the fighting began. My 5 1/2 year old defaced a picture that she had hanging on her closet that my son made her on her 4th birthday...He was upset that she ruined it...saying that there are no time machines to take them back in time to fix the picture. Then, she felt bad and got upset...And, I was upset because they were upset. This time, I just wanted them to solve their own problems for the day. Nothing that I describe above is any different than an ordinary day, but when you're sick it just feels all the many times worse. My parenting skills were at best mediocre....It was really, really hard. And, I know there are worse things in life...but this was momentarily brutal. Today, I am just praying that neither of them get it. 

I am a huge sufferer of mommy guilt. And, last night's guilt was that I couldn't give them what they needed. They needed their mom, and I couldn't really give myself to them. Normally, when I am sick I will sit in bed with my laptop and get semi-excited to watch a movie and some bad daytime commercials. I will rally for them and do some activity around the house. But, yesterday was a total utter blur. As Katy Perry would say it was an "epic fail". So, how could I possibly be a good parent? Bottom line-I couldn't. I told them about 20 times that I was sorry that I couldn't take better care of them. And, they understood. But, I am really glad yesterday is over. For all of us.